29 December 2005

Me...holding back?

I've realized lately that I've lost the edge of honesty that I used to have on this blog. I used to not be afraid about what I said here. It was a place where I wanted to share about myself in a vulnerable way....but I've definitely taken a turn because I'm a bit scared of what some of you readers will think. I used to have a certain audience and now I have a bigger audience which is fine but a bit scarier. But I'm here to say that the openness will be returning...starting now.

Tonight I was out for coffee with my friend Jared and we talked about a lot of big thoughts that have been swirling around in my head. I've been thinking about the pros and cons of staying in Taiwan long term...Nevada and I have a good life here and the Morrison school system is a great family to be a part of. We came here thinking that we might stay 5 years or 10 years or indefinitely. Last time in Taiwan we lived as though our life here was to be brief and we never really settled in but we didn't want that this time. We want this to be our home for the length of our stay so we've had a different mentality. I got to thinking "if we live here for 5/10 years then why would we ever move home? wouldn't this be our home?" That was a tough thought to mull over because we have people that we love at home and the thought of being away for a long time is strange. But what if that's the best decision. It's just something big to mull over....basically, is a 5 year commitment really and indefinite commitment?

Another thought that's been on our hearts is "is it baby time?" Some of you aren't ready for that...we're not sure if we're ready...but after almost 5 years of marriage it feels like we're there. It's an exciting but scary issue. When are you really ready? I think you just have to go with it and you'll have to be ready when a baby comes. That's another big thing that plays into our thoughts on living in Taiwan. Morrison has great things in place for families and staff with kids. Not to mention free tuition when the kids reach school age. But that means staying here until they can go to school...hmmm. Just to make it clear...there is no action in the baby department just some serious talk.

Lastly I got scared today thinking about Grandparents. Both Nev and I have grandparents that are getting older. How much would it suck if they passed away while we were here....a lot. And can we afford to travel home for funerals...or is it important that we be at the funerals. I know I really want to be there for my grandparents alive or dead but when you live overseas it's not that easy. I take comfort in the fact that my grandma told me that it was o.k. for us to leave. I said that I didn't want to leave them as they got older but she said we can't just stick around waiting for them to fade...we have to live our lives to the fullest. I love my grandma so much for things like that and of course her great bacon and eggs.

That's it for tonight but more big thoughts to come...


Shane Sowden said...

People keep telling us that you are never fully ready for a baby. I guess I kind of agree. Hop on the baby train with Amanda and I!!! We are hoping to have number 1 on the way in a bout a year and a half.

Melissa said...

It's important to share these honest thoughts. I know you will be able to make the choices God wants you to make. There are many difficult things about living overseas but you'll know what's right for you.

Anne-Marie said...

Nice to see you keepin' it real Chris.

And it was nice for us to see that video of you getting the slurpee machine.

Lorranda said...

well now that u have had grandma and me (for some reason) crying over this one. Just wanted to let you know that i am sure we will all be behind you guys and any decisions that are made along the way. luv ya guys!