My faith

I was just over at one of my favorite blogs Grrrlmeetsworld and I really appreciated her post on prayer. Becky is so open with her thoughts and struggles and I wish I was more like that. One part of my life that I don't address very often on my blog is my faith...I wish I could but I just don't know what to say and where to begin. I would have to say that I'm in a weird place...a place where I'm trying to establish my adult faith and not just settle with the things I was taught as a kid. If I am going to dedicate my life to God then I want to be fully aware of what that means...otherwise I think I'm living a lie. So I'm at a place where I need some big questions answered...but the problem is I'm not doing much about it. The task or reshaping my ideas and beliefs and becoming more informed and aware is extremely daunting and so it's easier to sit back then to really dig into it. I've always felt drawn to ministry and Nevada feels that is the calling on my life as well so this blah time is totally not contructive. And it's opened my eyes to why I am where I am. As most of you know I was shut down when it came to the senior high pastor position that I was in the running for last year. That killed my spirit totally and I haven't recovered...But what I am learning just this week is that I believe the reason I was unequipped for that job is that my own faith was not solid. I don't mean "I was a bad Christian" but more my heart wasn't in tune with God and therefore I could never show others properly how to get in tune with God. We are all works in progress and the key word is progress...we need to be reaching forward and trying to figure things out as difficult as that task may be so that's what I'm gonna do. I need to start looking for the answers and defining what it is I have questions about. And because most of you are supporters of mine I'm going to share that process with you....and maybe you can even help me through it with comments and answers to some of my faith related questions. It felt good to open up this far so I'll sleep on these thoughts and get back to you soon with a progress report.