28 November 2005

thoughts...

Last night was a tough night. I was asked to play with the worship team at church, something I've been looking forward to. I had met with the team members and made it quite clear that I was a bit rusty and didn't want to be lead guitar...unfortunately they were guitarless this week so they asked me to play. I reluctantly said "yes". I practiced all week and did ok in rehearsal but sure enough come showtime I choked. I messed up a few chords and my rhythm was off a couple of times. I was embarassed and I feel like I negatively influenced peoples worship experience. I am somewhat of a perfectionist and making mistakes really eats at me. Maybe it's the excellence of Lakeview or the competitive must win Holy Cross attitude but I don't like to screw up or let people down. I left the stage feeling pretty crappy and despite the positive words from my fellow musicians and my wife I really didn't feel good about the whole thing. I sat at the back of the room during the service and my mind was racing. I meet with God through music...worship is a powerful connection to my faith so in the past few years I've tried to learn guitar so that I could participate in that musical experience. The problem is that I'm not sure that I'm gifted in music...as I sat there thinking I realized I was doing music because that's what I wanted but God has designed me with other gifts...speaking and drama. I don't need to develop new skills...I need to work at enhancing the gifts that I've been given. This doesn't mean I'm going to quit playing guitar and being a part of the worship team but it means that I need to tap into those gifts that I have and start doing some speaking or performing. I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to speak or perform but I will pray for God to lead me in that direction. We have a videocamera now and I think that I could use my creativity and performing skills to make some videos for church...I might even try to make something to send home to The MIX. So today I'm a bit bummed but I'm optimistic about the future God has for me.

4 comments:

Tom said...

Been there. It's a crappy feeling. Keep plugging away and don't be too hard on yourself. If you wouldn't have stepped up, nobody else would have.

SarahJ said...

YES tape something and send it to the mix! We'd all be really excited to hear from you!

Adrienne said...

Your "mistakes" did NOT negatively influence the worship at the PIT on sunday. God doesn't meet with people based on the ability of the musicians. I was blessed by the worship, and I am not just saying that! I am glad you were willing to step in.

LBBMBMUQ said...

learn how read guitar music.

learn how read guitar music is as straight forward as knowing the first and second names six friends.

Archives