thoughts...

Last night was a tough night. I was asked to play with the worship team at church, something I've been looking forward to. I had met with the team members and made it quite clear that I was a bit rusty and didn't want to be lead guitar...unfortunately they were guitarless this week so they asked me to play. I reluctantly said "yes". I practiced all week and did ok in rehearsal but sure enough come showtime I choked. I messed up a few chords and my rhythm was off a couple of times. I was embarassed and I feel like I negatively influenced peoples worship experience. I am somewhat of a perfectionist and making mistakes really eats at me. Maybe it's the excellence of Lakeview or the competitive must win Holy Cross attitude but I don't like to screw up or let people down. I left the stage feeling pretty crappy and despite the positive words from my fellow musicians and my wife I really didn't feel good about the whole thing. I sat at the back of the room during the service and my mind was racing. I meet with God through music...worship is a powerful connection to my faith so in the past few years I've tried to learn guitar so that I could participate in that musical experience. The problem is that I'm not sure that I'm gifted in music...as I sat there thinking I realized I was doing music because that's what I wanted but God has designed me with other gifts...speaking and drama. I don't need to develop new skills...I need to work at enhancing the gifts that I've been given. This doesn't mean I'm going to quit playing guitar and being a part of the worship team but it means that I need to tap into those gifts that I have and start doing some speaking or performing. I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to speak or perform but I will pray for God to lead me in that direction. We have a videocamera now and I think that I could use my creativity and performing skills to make some videos for church...I might even try to make something to send home to The MIX. So today I'm a bit bummed but I'm optimistic about the future God has for me.