30 October 2006

Too much to write about

Lately I feel like my mind is racing. It's full of so many thoughts and my life has been full of some big things lately...not to mention the upcoming new child thing. My pastor/boss and I have been meeting regularly lately and we've been working on me becoming a better leader. One of the tools he's been trained to use is the TJTA (Taylor Johnson Temperament Ananlysis) and so he's had all of the CORE leaders fill out the test. He's going through the results with us individually. It's a personality assessment test that helps to identify your strengths and weaknesses in regards to the way you deal with yourself and ways you interract with others. It's brought to light a lot of rough stuff in me. My pastor is also big into healing...spiritual/emotional healing. And as we've been sitting and discussing our lives and our past, things have definitely come up that need healing. They are things that I've always known about but never dealt with. Issues that I've covered-up but never faced fully. I realize now that my failures as a ministry leader in the past have a lot to do with these issues and the way I've developed as a person in regards to these hurts. The main issues that we plan to tackle are: being fatherless and self-esteem issues due to my lifetime of overweightness. Depending on who you are reading this you may think this sounds kooky or you may be totally supportive of me and my healing process. All I know is that God put a vision in my head years ago of me being an influential leader and I'm starting to see that I will never be able to progress until my walls are broken down, my heart is softened, my wounds are healed and I'm built up. The next few months will be tough as I trudge through the mud of my past and the hurts that I've supressed but in the end I will be a better person, leader, son, husband and father. I'm sure this process will make for some good blog posts so tune in...

7 comments:

superstar said...

life just good

Gloria said...

Good stuff Chester! It is never easy to go deep, but it is worth it in the end.

Shane Sowden said...

That is sweet dude. I love your transparency lately. I'll be keeping you guys in prayer.

Melissa said...

I'm glad you have this opportunity for growth. I look forward to hearing about the process and healing.

Anonymous said...

I know for me the extra weight protects me from dealing with some issues. I have struggled too and as a result my self esteem is not great now, Probably part of the depression as well. I am sorry I can't help you with this but am glad God has put supportive people around you.
I love you and am so proud of you.
Mom

Lynette said...

hey Chester,

exciting stuff. I love hearing how God is working in you. And no, it's not kooky. It's very courageous. Will be praying for you in this part of your journey

Adam said...

it takes courage and strength to face down the things in our lives that undermine our potential.

most people can't/won't do it.

this is part of God's desire to get his truth into your deepest places Chris - it'll be worth the journey.

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